


Red

by Ponderess



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Canon - Anime, Character Study, Drama, F/M, Gen, Romance, i honestly don't know how to tag this, kind of, maybe a little?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-20
Updated: 2013-11-20
Packaged: 2018-01-02 04:36:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1052597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ponderess/pseuds/Ponderess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>I had a dream, Eren. You were bleeding out and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I know you probably think it's stupid, but I'm really, really scared of losing you.</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Red

**Author's Note:**

> This can be read as Mikasa/Eren or Mikasa & Eren, it's up to you. Also, I became aware of the fact that Mikasa's scarf is actually black in the manga on the day I started this one-shot. Sticking to the anime colouring for this one I guess.

_My heart was attached to you the day you entered my life. I wouldn't function, wouldn't live if it wasn't for you. Our colour is red and it's wrapped around my neck as a reminder of our bond. It's the colour of the liquid that flows through our veins and spreads life throughout our system. Blood that is seeping from your body now, endlessly, unstoppably, draining out of you, soaking your clothes and washing you away from me._

_I call out your name, rushing to you, falling to my knees beside you. I heave up your limp body, weight heavy in my arms, tears flowing from my eyes and dripping down, salt mixing with copper._

_"Eren," I weep, "please stay with me. Don't go where I can't follow. Don't leave me all alone here."_

_But your ears are already deaf to my pleas, like the colour has drained from your face, like your lips are slightly parted but no longer drawing in a breath. All that remains of you is blood leaking from your wounds, imbuing my white trousers in dark red._

* * *

Behind a pair of other trainees she spots him, picking himself up from the ground where Annie probably left him again in the course of their sparring. Rounding the two other recruits, Mikasa arrives to Eren dusting off his uniform.

"Maybe you should find yourself a new training partner," she suggests plainly.

"No," he brushes it aside, "it's fine." Deciding that he got rid of enough dirt, he starts walking away, off from the training field where they have their hand-to-hand combat practice and towards the barracks where they can change out of there sweaty uniforms before dinner. He doesn't have to call for Mikasa to tag along, she follows him almost immediately and catches up with his steps.

They walk in silence – an occasion that doesn't arise for the first time and that neither of them considers to be strange or troublesome. Six years they've spent with each other, 67 months in which they've become so used to each other as if it had always been like this, as if they're meant to be together. Mikasa doesn't have to count the weeks or the days to know that every moment matters. To her it definitely does.

She picks absentmindedly at the red scarf draped around her neck. Every day she wears it in constant memory of the day Eren entered her life and taught her how to live, gave her hope when she had lost everything. Now however it clouded her mind with the unpleasant images of the dream she had last night. Pictures of Eren's lifeless body, bleeding out in her arms.

Suddenly Eren stops in his tracks. Mikasa is already a few steps ahead until she reacts, halting equally and turning around to him. He's standing there, green-framed pupils hazy from his mind wandering and absently massaging his shoulder with his hand.

"What?" Mikasa inquires, unable to read his weird behaviour. Her voice calls him back from his drifting thoughts and his gaze settles on her.

"Nothing," he answers, hand still rubbing his shoulder. "I just thought for a moment that my shoulder got unhinged during my sparring session with Annie, that's all." Then he continues walking as if nothing happened.

"Maybe you should have the nurse look at it," she suggests, returning to his side once more.

"No, it's fine, really," Eren assures her. "I was imagining things. See?" He stretches up his arm and begins drawing a big circle revolving around his shoulder to prove to her that there's nothing to worry about. Mikasa searches his face for any signs of pain to make sure he doesn't put on a show for her. She's unable to make out anything suspicious so she lets it go.

"That's good then," she offers.

They continue walking. It's not far from the training grounds to the barracks and they're almost there. Mikasa is running out of time. She wants to tell Eren something, but she doesn't know how to start. Words are a difficult thing sometimes and how even do you speak of a dream that reveals you greatest fear when you never talk about things like that?

Eren is fifteen and stubborn and Mikasa is fifteen and stubborn in her own way. She's doing her best to stay around her foster brother and keep him out of trouble and he doesn't seem too fond of being watched over. To her he and Armin are the only family she has left, but confiding in them seems hard. Eren at least doesn't give off the impression he wants to hear it, but Mikasa really wants him to know.

"Eren," she begins, but she wasted too much time to gather up courage. With a "See you at dinner." he's already heading off towards the sleeping barracks of the boys. Mikasa watches him walking away feeling hollow. She has missed her chance.

She really hates the sight of him walking away.

* * *

_I had a dream, Eren. You were bleeding out and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I know you probably think it's stupid, but I'm really, really scared of losing you._

_You see, I have lost so many things already. I lost both of my parents. They were bleeding, too. I lost the place I called home, because without my family it was just wood stained with red. I lost your mother who had taken good care of me for a year – blood splattering through the air as the titan bit down. Your father disappeared without a trace and now you and Armin are all I have left._

_I couldn't stand losing you. You are all I live for, so what is there left for me when you are gone? You showed me the beauty in this cruel world and I'm afraid that without you I won't see it anymore. So yes, I'm really scared of losing you, Eren._

* * *

"Why are you still wearing that scarf?" Eren tugs at the red fabric around Mikasa's neck. "Are you that cold?"

Dinner is over and they've wandered outside for some fresh air before curfew. Actually Mikasa pressured Eren to come outside with her – he seemed pretty close to getting into a fight with Jean again. That's when he starts to finger her scarf and ask her about it.

She eyes him with surprise that he's bringing this up – especially now of all times. She's not sure how to answer.

"I'm not cold," Mikasa replies, "it just means a lot to me."

Eren holds one loose end of the red scarf up in the air to inspect it in the faint torchlight illuminating the yard. "Why would this piece of cloth mean so much to you?"

"You gave it to me, don't you remember?"

"Of course I remember, but I gave it to you because you were cold. How can that have so much meaning?"

Mikasa wraps her fingers around the hand that still is holding on to the scarf. " _You_ gave it to me, together with a new home after I had lost everything."

Eren knits his eyebrows together as he looks up from the scarf to her face. "I never thought of you as the sentimental type."

"You don't understand," she notes. It's not disappointment, just a statement. "That's okay. You've never been at the point of giving up, you wouldn't know how that feels and just how much it means to have someone making you get up again. You don't know how it feels to find hope again after losing it."

"What is it with you all of a sudden, Mikasa?" His voice is low and his eyes have widened a little as if he sees her in a completely different light and is baffled by the revelation.

"If I lose you, I won't be able to go on anymore."

"Don't be stupid!" Eren sounds angry now. He winds his fingers out of her grip and seizes her shoulders with both hands. "You're strong and skilled, you can easily make it through on your own. Your life doesn't revolve around me."

"There's no point in strength or skill if there's no hope. You are my hope, Eren, and if I lose you I'll fall apart."

"That's ridiculous! There's always hope, it's not dependent on another person – definitely not a single one. The one who took out that guy choking me six years ago was you on your own accord."

Mikasa shakes her head because Eren really doesn't understand her point. If it hadn't been for his words she'd never been able to pick up the knife.

"There's always hope," Eren continues. "You just have to find it. So, don't you dare to ever give up!"

Tears a threatening to well up in her eyes and Mikasa can't help herself, she throws her arms around Eren's neck and hugs him. His hands slide from her shoulders and settle on her back.

"Keep that scarf around your neck," he says, voice low, "but let it also remind you of this: you never ever give up – even if I die you don't give up. I wouldn't want you to."

* * *

_I was so close, Eren, so close to giving up. I was so close to forgetting what you wanted me to remember. But I swore by this scarf you gave to me that I would keep fighting, that I would keep living until the end – no matter how bitter it might be._

_Still, why did you have to die, Eren? I forget so easily, without you I forget so easily how beautiful this cruel world can be. It's all stained in red, the colour of blood, the colour of my scarf, the colour of our bond – and suddenly that colour doesn't seem beautiful to me anymore._

_Yet I will live, Eren. I promise I will live and I'll remember you._

* * *

Mikasa is bent on keeping her promise, no matter how hard it may seem at times. Even in the ruins of Trost that are flooded with titans now, she cannot give up. She keeps looking for hope how Eren told her to. She keeps looking at that unusual titan that has appeared out of nowhere and started taking down other titans. Even as it collapses to the ground she does not avert her eyes from the strange manifestation of hope that made an escape from the cornered headquarters possible for her comrades and her.

She's watching as the nape of that titan's neck breaks open and something emerges from it, someone. Her eyes widen and her heat leaps in her chest. She knows that shape, knows it so well. Without thinking she descends from the building and runs towards him, wrapping her arms around his kneeling figure in a tight hug as she reaches him.

Disbelief is covering her and she needs to touch him, needs to feel his warmth to break through the layer and actually believe this is real: Eren has returned to her. Against all odds he appeared before her again after he was said to have died and he is...

Mikasa draws back a little and presses her ear to his chest. Happiness and relief overwhelm her and tears leak from her eyes. She can hear his heart beating, loud and clear. Eren is breathing.

Armin calls out for her and she remembers where they are: the middle of a battlefield, enemy territory. Eren is unconscious and she pulls him out on her own. She drags his body away from the red flesh of the mysterious titan he emerged from until his legs are freed from the remains of the dissolving body.

When Mikasa sets him down on the roof between their comrades, body limp but blood pumping through his veins and air filling his lungs, she holds him in her arms and she cries. She doesn't hold back but openly weeps, letting out a long wail, because she feels so much she could burst. Everything from losing Eren over pulling herself back together and soldiering on to holding him again is overwhelming her and she wouldn't know where to begin to describe how she's feeling.

Mikasa lost him and she forced herself to carry on, but she'd much rather have Eren by her side. Now that he has returned, she knows that she'll continue fighting to never let that happen again. Because as sure as her scarf is red and a reminder of their bond, this cruel world is only half as beautiful to her if Eren is not by her side.


End file.
